I’ve exchanged quite a few emails with the Samaritans now. It’s wierd, it’s like a really broken up counselling session, and we studied counselling in psychology recently so I keep noticing techniques and stuff. I think it might help though. It’s almost like writing this little diary thing only I get a response from it and i’m not being all deep thoughts like a complete dick, i’m just telling it how it is and, I dont know, it’s pretty good. I would recommend it, especially as I don’t like saying my problems out loud because I feel like a prat, it’s a really good system.
I told Claire i’ve been talking to them. She made me feel really lame- accidently ofcourse, it was just her initial reaction, once she got used to it she was brilliant agaib. But to be honest, she’s getting counselling which is practically the same thing, at least this way it’s free and no one has to know about me. And I know i’m wavering towards telling my mum, but if it can stop being a problem without involving her then even better! It feels really wierd that Claire currently knows more about whats going on with me than Cole. I mean, she doesnt know about the suicide thoughts and such, but still.
I dont want to bother Cole. We were in tutor this morning and she texted me asking if I had any bracelets (so the others didnt notice her asking) and I passed her a couple of hairbands and replied with “No problem :) Do you want to talk about it?” and she said “No it’s fine, just wanted to cover it a little bit” so I left her to it. I’m insanely worried, but if there was anything I could do she would come to me. I realise she never actually said it was cuts or anything, but I felt pretty safe in assuming. I wish I could help her, but she’s struggling and I of all people know how it helps. I just hope she doesnt get stuck in it.